The Heart of the Problem is the Problem of the Heart

I was really blessed with last Sunday's D12 with my discipler Roochie, and yup, that's the title of what she shared. The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart - how true.

She always told us to put a mirror to our faces, and I haven't been doing that lately. I just do stuff without ever asking myself why I do it. But we should do that you know - ask ourselves what our true motives are.

Because sometimes, even the most "good" acts could be sin if done with the wrong motives. Just like the parable of the widow who gave her last mite. Other people gave much more than the widow, but Jesus didn't see their offerings as valid... because in their hearts was pride - they gave coz they wanted to look good in front of people.

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. - 2 Chronicles 16:9

...it didn't say, whose deeds are fully committed to him - but the Bible said, whose hearts.

I think we are all guilty of that, you know, of doing stuff to make us look good. I guess it really takes a conscious effort to truly examine our motives. That's why it's really important to pray about our decisions and to constantly ask God to show us our true motives.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? - Jeremiah 17:9

Only God can understand what's in our hearts. It takes a consultation with the Creator of hearts to know how our hearts work. And usually, when we see our own hearts, it humbles us. Well, it does me - because I don't usually like what I find there. But to know that God loves me despite the filth in my heart - it's worth everything. But my God is more than that... He doesn't look on passively, but He lovingly cleans up the filth in my heart. =)

Ann...

Analyn... the picture says it all...

Ann's Theme

** To the tune of this guys in love with you pare...

One look and then you iba na...
Malagkit, pumikit, ay! Tulog na pala...
One smile, iba nang ibig sabihin...
Tulo laway paglingon nya sa 'kin...

Everyday parating we're together...
Every week, palaging may sleep over...
Pagmulat ng mata nya'y puro muta...
Bakit ba di ko nun nakita...

Until out of the blue...
Ang feeling so true...
Bigla na lang sinabi sa akin that....

This guy's inaantok na pare....
This guy's nananaginip pare....
This guy's humihilik pa pare...
Himbing na himbing... tulog!

Tinutulugan na nga....
Palaging late o absent...
Ang sabi pa rin...
I'll always have a bed....
That I can depend ooooonnnn....

Di kailangan maupo...
Basta higa lang at tulog.....

*Repeat chorus*

A tribute to a one of a kind lady... Let the song speak for itself! =P

Happy Birthday Ann!!!

crayzee office weekend.

I was here at the office from 21 Jan 11AM til 22 Jan 2AM. =(

Bear with me here, I just had to write this down. It doesn't mean that you have to read it though, coz I assure you that this is boring stuff. I'm just gonna talk about what I did at work this Saturday.

You know when something's a big deal to you and you know its not that much of a big deal to others? Well, this one's a big deal to me (coz it ate up my whole weekend!), but it won't be to you. This will be the stuff that only bestfriends could bear. Hahaha! So here it goes...

There was a scheduled OPSMART Migration and me and DJ were assigned for last weekend. I missed Andi's birthday coz of that, since no other person was available to take my place for that day. =( Sorry Andi...

Anyway, it was an ok day, just super tiring. I think I got a lot of DJ's expressions coz of that weekend... "boy..." "ineng..." "traydor!" just to name a few...

After the 11AM data clean up with Anthony Sy, we started with the data extraction. During the running of a particularly long job, we took our lunch break. We ate chowking that lunch (delivery, of course), then at around 2PM, kaye, alaine and char dropped by. They were here to finish their Java case study, haha although they didn't have to. Exag, career talaga sila...

Anyway, we tried to enjoy the long run of the script, with... guess what?? Backstreet Boys music!! Hahaha! Dj played the songs on his PC and the both of us sang along to those old and corny tunes... Haha! High school memories!!!

Anyway, after we had done our part, it was around 4PM. So we took our break while the HKG people were loading the data into their DB. During our break, Dj went to buy his spiked shoes at RP and I watched the 1st few episodes of The OC. Kim gave it to me to watch. She said I HAD to watch it. Haha! I still have like 30+ episodes that I have yet to watch. Good luck to me.

Dinner came along and the HKG peeps weren't done yet, but it was a lot more fun than lunch coz of the company of Kaye, Alaine and Char. But they left at around 9PM. DJ couldn't bear the long wait for Kenneth Ng anymore, so he took a nap. DJ and I were already sabog when we went to work at around 10PM. Now, we had to run a job every 10 mins, and there were like 11 batches. Haha, but Dj was so sleepy he'd lie down after each run and sleep for maybe 7 mins, then I'd tell him, "DJ, it's time..." Then he'd get up and run it again. That went on for about 2 hours. We finally finished at around 1:50 AM - super eager to go home.

That wasn't my worst migration experience (diba rage??), but it definitely ain't fun to be at the office til 2AM. Glad I'm off the hook til late Feb. =) Unfortunately for DJ, he has 2 consecutive Opsmart weeks this feb, hehe =P Sorry dij...

Para Sa Mga Nakakarelate

OOCL's Newbies Batch 2004 are planning to put up a blogsite where we could all post stuff and stay in touch...

I was toying with a few designs, but this design stood out among the others.



Inspired by a deviation I saw at http://www.deviantart.com

It still needs a lot of work though, I still plan to put glass orbs inside the circles. It would be great if these orbs could be our menus. But that would mean I have to use flash. Yikes. It's been a while since I last used Flash. Like 3 years??? What could I remember? Tween? hehe... Help Naldy!!!

The pictures on the left would also be clickable, and would bring you to either the personal site of the picture owner or to a profiles page, much like the one in friendster. I haven't decided yet, but I'm leaning towards the former since not all of the 2004 Newbies have their personal blogsites. Maybe it could be both! Hehe, the prerogative of the owners.

Whatever the case, I'd really like to see this up and running by Feb. Have to finish this before I get any assignments from boss Jerome for the layouts, hehe.

So guys, watcha think?? Please feel free to comment. I don't bite. I only snarl. Heehee...

Bowling at RP

Last 12 Jan 2006, I was torn between two "events". I wanted to go to the WOW Singles special veiwing of Narnia, but then I also wanted to go to the Franklin Graham Training at CCF. I ended up deciding to go to the training instead, because of DJ's "pangongonsensya"...

But how did I end up going bowling ate RP?? Hmmm, well its because of the OPS Migration!! DJ and I had to do the testing that day, and we finished at around 7PM - which means I wouldn't be able to make it to either of the two events since both starts at 7PM!

So I went bowling with my officemates instead... and it ended up being a super fun night! Haha! I realized that I didn't have a "bowling bone" in me, hehe, if there is such a bone in human beings. My score was the lowest among all who were there, I think I scored less than 50! Haha! Super pathetic! My first frame was 1 point! hahaha! Buti nalang someone was lower... diba Dij?? Pero traydor yan eh, I think he finished with 97 points.

Here are the more memorable moments of the night...

mga bowlingers

bowlingan moments

Illusion

sometimes i wish i could make time stop
freeze a moment forever
as i long to hold
this feeling inside of me
for another second
but i can't
in an instant
reality creeps back in on me
as a dark cloud rolls over my sky
and i lose it
i lose him.
i grope in the dark
trying to find him
trying to remember how it was
how it felt like
but i can't find him
i can't even remember
then i finally realize
its time to let go
coz i can't feel anymore
numb from all that was
trying to believe it was indeed reality
only half-believing it was
but it had to be real!
but then again, it probably wasn't
it was just probably a mind game
a cheap trick
it was never real
so there's no reason to look
no reason to feel
its goodbye, i guess
to something that was never really here.

written 17:44 feb 28, 2005

Cure for Depression

It's been a depressing week for me. Problems left and right. Sometimes it really feels a little out of control. Being the melancholic, moody person I am, I indulge myself in my crazy mood swings. A great cup of caffeine would have helped, but I didn't have the time for a serious coffee break this week. I really need a break from all this and spend time with God.

Maybe its because I haven't really been running to Him. I should really learn to run to Him for every little thing that bothers me - literally for every tiny scrape and gash. It sucks to be independent - you have to carry everything yourself.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~ Matthew 11:28-30

But God didn't mean for us to carry everything. In fact He wants us to give it all to him. So that's what I'll do. Call it a new year's resolution, call it whatever you like - but starting now, I intend to tell God about everything that bothers me - including the emerging pimples on my cheek.

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." ~ Luke 12:6-7

Nothing about me is unimportant to my God! He even gave His son to die on the cross for me!

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" ~ Romans 8:32

The Vamprie Chronicles

i think i've fallen in love with Ann Rice!!! =)

I bought the Volume I of The Vampire Chronicles last year, only because i happened to stumble upon it on a bookfare, and it was cheap. I've also, of course, heard of Ann Rice, and I guess I know her reputation to be a great writer.



So anyway, I bought the book, but I never gor around to reading it until last week. Maybe because I never believed in those tales and I've always dismissed them to be overly fictional and unprobable. I felt that my Christian faith would just fight with whatever twisted concepts the book presented. The title itself - The Vampire Chronicles - didn't exactly appeal to me. But then, I decided to read it, hehe, maybe because I was really hungering for a great, wonderful novel. Most of the stuff I have been reading the past year were spiritual books - not that I don't like those types of reads. I think it is absolutely important for a Christian to always have a Christian book beside them (in addition to the Bible, of course). But I've always loved novels, its my first love! Hehe, and since Christian books are all non-novels, i haven't really read a good novel over the past year. And when I read the Interview with the Vampire, I was completely taken off guard by the beauty of the book. It wasn't what I expected. And it wasn't just the story that captivated me, but it was how it was so beautifully written. I've watched the movie and I know the general story, but the novel was different... the words and sentences were just so elegant! Each sentence was so rich with words, but it wasn't gaudy or too much. It was just right. I think I'll buy the other books as well. Kim is right! I think I love goth now! =P

"It's an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give us a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacity for visions, and the respect for the simple yet indispensable things."
- Ann Rice, Queen of the Damned

.:CSI Season Ender Retreat:.

It's another boring day at work. I should have just went on leave and went to Eat Bulaga with the rest of the JoLogS GaNg... But here i am, stuck at the office...

I guess I'll just reminisce on the CSI Season Ender Retreat last week. Hehe...
It was held at the Caliraya Re-Creation Center last Dec 27-29, 2005. Super fun but super tiring. It was I think one of the most memorable retreats for me. I really learned a lot.

The work for me started even before the camp. Benson and I were in charge of the layouts for the materials. So even before the retreat, we were busy doing the layouts for the materials, and also for the action points. Then, Jolojolo texted me a couple of days before the retreat if i wanted to be part of the security team. Hehe, i said yes, without having any idea what the responsibilities of the security team were. Hehe, ang dami pala!

The security team met up at around 5AM at CCF. Jolo told us that we were in charge of the Registration. I thought there was a separate REG team. I was wrong! The REG team that I was thinking of was the REG when we get to Caliraya! Anyway, Bens and I were in charge of Bus2. We were also the bus marshals of the bus. Basically we had to make sure that everyone on the list was on the bus. We took two stops, and on both stops, we had to make a full roll call, so we could make sure that no one got left behind. *ohana-a* =P

Anyway, we all made it to Caliraya, but when we got there, it was raining! The campers didn't bring umbrellas, so most of us were wet! It took a lot of time, but finally we got everyone to the lobby. That means we went through *bus-mud-boat-jeep* Everyone was tired and wet, but hey, the day has just begun!

During sessions, we had to get everyone inside the session hall. we were in charge of herding the lost sheep into the hall to listen to the word of God... hehehe... easier said than done! There were a number of "Pasaways" that made herding quite difficult, but most of them were angels. =P

The round really killed my legs. We had to do rounds for meals, sessions, dawnwatch, etc... Once, jayjay and I went to do our rounds near the mudslide, when we got there, it started to raiN! gosh! and we didnt bring any umbrella with us. We unded up being soaked (and Coco just laughed at us)... thanks ah! Hehe, she even wringed my jacket and it produced a good amount of water. Kewl! It's really only by God's grace that we didn't get sick.

Being part of the security team was an experience to remember! Hehe, it was fun to talk into the radios and report to Jolojolo that my area was clear! Jolojolo! Haha! its weird how everyone has to call him that. It seems "wrong" to just call him Jolo!

Aside from our responsibilities, we also had loads of fun. It was joketime, funtime, frisbee time and mudslide time! We played frisbee and our team won! Kewl! It was one of the most fun frisbee games I've ever played - even if the people were super competitive! easy lang LeeJay! Hehehe, he bowled me over while trying to catch the frisbee. Exag! The mudslide was super fun too! haha! I was with Xie, Katre (aka Dolor), Anton, Bert and Jayjay, hehe, it was super fuN! Every nook and cranny of me was just filled with mud! haha! coolness!

But I had to pay for all that fun though. My body ached like hell the next day!!! Haha, I was asleep the whole day when I got to Manila!

I just have my Jesus to thank for that wonderful experience. Thank you Jesus for everything you have done in my life. I could never have imagined my life to be this happy and joyful. Not in a million years. My Jesus saved me from the pits and gave me the most wonderful and inexplicable joy i have ever known. Haha,its a joy and peace that stems deep within my soul. Its not the circumstances that make me happy, but its Jesus in me. :)